I had a free body and fat analysis and consultation last weekend and I was very thrilled to know more about what’s going on with my body with professional help.
Guess what, I have never been so insecure and discouraged in all my life. I mean with regards to this particular insecurity.
First, I never knew I was only 5”1. ONLY 5”1. All along I bragged I was 5”2 or 5”3. No wonder most of the guys I met teased me that I was really tiny.
I did not take my dinner the other night so when they weighed me, I was 47.3 kg.
According to rush.edu, from my height and weight I am pretty average and normal. Even my Body Mass Index is normal as well.
My consultant asked details about my lifestyle. My current job, the nature of the job, my studies, my food and diet and all sorts of health stuff. She said I was kind of borderline healthy for my age and for the kind of life I have especially with all the stress. I told her I just started the clean living about a month ago BUT it is very minimal or done slowly. I didn’t crash diet or do intense work-outs. When she gave me results, she said I have a lot of protein in my body. Well, duh I am carnivorous. I could also improve on my water retention (don’t worry, I’m working on it).
The minute she told me to take off my clothes to examine the part I am not proud of, she was very surprised.She said I hid the bulge very well in my skater dress and that it simply doesn’t show through my arms or legs. I am hiding a very big muffin top or super belly inside me. She took photos and started to do measurements. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt so hideous and undesirable. Maybe it got really worst when it is affirmed by somebody else who knew more about your insecurities.
She printed the photos and all I see is lard or fat. She told me that is a tummy of a 35 year old woman!!! When she pressed my tummy, she said the pain is due to hardened cellulite or that kind. She explained some science stuff about fat cells and lipase and all I think about is.. “I have the tummy of a 35 year old woman.” She and another lady asked if I went through pregnancy. I’m brokenhearted, please do not add the “having a baby someday” blues.
She then talked about going through a program which costs $3,700++ I was so dismayed at the amount to pay just so I could get through this anorexic symptoms I’m developing to have. But of course, I did not go for it. No matter how she deducted and deducted, giving me different types of sales talk with funny program names like “Bye bye fat” and “5 and 5 and 5”, I still said no. Tummy of a 35 year old woman, are you kidding me?!
Since part of the free consultation is two sessions of their one of program, I went for it. FREE. They used those modern radiation types to soften your fat cells. I was told my lymphatic system is not so good. Anyway I liked the feeling and it did make my tummy flabby and a bit softer. After the session I was still “forced” to join them. NO WAY. I only need about $500 to go to Bali again and that would satisfy me for the rest of my life!
But I went home really sad. No matter how you tell yourself they’re just doing their job, which is to con you, but it still somehow scarred my dying ego and confidence. I hate having to live and beating the stereotypes of beauty. I hate getting stares from people just because I didn’t make the cut to being beautiful or sexy. I hate the fact that I’m not the only one struggling with this and a lot are going through much worst.
And of all the people, I hate that I’m the one having problems with my size. That I’m ranting about it. That I’m going through a so-called depression about it.
I know, don’t preach about confidence and real beauty. I know them all too well. It’s the thing about sticking up for it is hard. When you get sad because you can never flaunt a nice cropped top anymore because you’ll get gassy and bloated from your bulging lower tummy.